Well, we sent our poll sailing over the internet to friends and colleagues and the results have come in. Sam and I asked folks to give us their favorite restaurants, cafes and diners in Brooklyn in which to accomplish things to do with l'amour (or the evasion of l'amour). We wanted unbridled, hair down suggestions so this is all anonymous. The responses were all over the place and I have to be honest that I had a hard time sorting through the hash. But, one category had a clear winner and so merits special mention for having come up over and over again. In the category of sexiest/most aphrodisiac-ish food, the winner, hands down was Al Di La Trattoria in Park Slope.
OK, let's ditch the palaver and get to the good stuff. Envelope please.
- best place to apologize for a major fuck-up
The River Cafe-"The food isn't what it was in days of yore but the view is insane, the service beyond compare, and the vibe of old, super-fancy NYC will make anyone forgive you for anything."
The River Cafe is located at 1 Water Street (at Old Fulton Street), (718) 522-5200
Peter Luger!
Peter Luger is located at 178 Broadway (at Driggs Avenue), (718) 387-7400
- best place to give the "just friends" speech
Junior's
Junior's is located at 386 Flatbush Avenue Extension, (718) 852-5257
- best place to instigate a threesome
"Everyone knows the success of this project depends on making the whole ordeal appear unpremeditated. You need somewhere too small and with very cramped tables so there can be a lot of plausibly accidental knee brushing, somewhere with drinks by the pitcher so that alcohol consumption is conveniently unquantifiable, and someplace dark and loud so that you can all have a certain security that your innuendos don't go beyond your little table.
Pequena, a little Mexican place on S. Portland at Lafayette, is your miracle threesome joint. It has all necessary qualities AND is near trains that go everywhere, so you can get home speedily once the question is answered: my place, or yours, or yours?"
Pequena is located at 86 South Portland Avenue (at Lafayette Avenue), (718) 643-0000
Franny's
Franny's is located at 295 Flatbush Avenue (at Prospect Place), (718) 230-0221
- best place to come on to a friend
Joe's of Avenue U
Joe's of Avenue U is located at 287 Avenue U (between Lake Street and McDonald Avenue), (718) 449-9285
- best place to smoke a joint between dinner and dessert
Smoke Joint, of course
The Smoke Joint is located at 87 South Elliot Place (between Fulton Street and Lafayette Avenue), (718) 797-1011
"If you broke up at Tea Lounge you could shout out every mean thing you ever thought about the person and they would never hear you."
Tea Lounge is located at 837 Union Street (between 6th and 7th Avenues), (718) 789-2762
Nathan's Famous
Nathan's Famous is located at 1310 Surf Avenue (at Stillwell Avenue), (718) 946-2202
- best place to announce to your partner that you're pregnant
Sam's Restaurant
Sam's Restaurant is located at 238 Court Street (between Kane and Baltic Streets), (718) 596-3458
- best place to have sex somewhere other than the bathroom
"Have you ever had sex in a restaurant bathroom? My boyfriend says he has. 'Really?' I said. He said, really. He pretended to pick her up at a bar, they planned it in advance. But really, it doesn't sound that fun. When you really think about the logistics and how cold restaurant bathrooms usually are. Isn't it more fun to think about doing that, even talk about it and then go home to a nice warm comfy bed, or maybe the living room couch or the rug? Is it just because it's f-ing 18 degrees today? Maybe I would feel more open to the idea if it were July...Robin des Bois has that lovely little garden out back..."
Robin des Bois is located at 195 Smith Street (between Warren and Baltic Streets), (718) 596-1609
- best morning after brunch
"There is no other diner in Brooklyn as much of a real, New York-style Greek diner in the borough than Clark's. As such, perfect for morning after brunch."
Clark's Restaurant is located at 80 Clark Street (at Henry Street), (718) 855-5484
"This brunch is not just for restoring yourself, it's for collecting data. Suggest Egg, in Williamsburg, and monitor the reaction to this statement: 'I just love their Eggs Rothko.' An added benefit of being at Egg is that they serve scrapple. Ordering it can either signal you're up for more adventure or be a satisfying -and subtle- gesture of hostility."
Egg is located at 135 North 5th Street (between Bedford and Berry Streets), (718) 302-5151
ici
ici is located at 246 Dekalb Avenue (between Vanderbilt and Clermont Avenues), (718) 789-2778
(It's interesting to note that two of the restaurants in this category have only three letters in their name. What does this mean? The less said the morning after, the better?)
- best place to suggest if you're not sure it's a date
"Noodle Pudding (don't be fooled
by the name) never disappoints, or in the words of Brooklyn novelist
Ben Schrank, every neighborhood should have an Italian restaurant this
good. The food is hearty, fresh, inspired and the vibe is a tad more
formal than neighborhood-friendly: the airy dining room is usually
crowded with older foodie couples, families and Heights-y professionals
aka not super-sexy but the lighting is good enough and the wine list
extensive enough that should things be headed that way, Noodle Pudding
will ease your journey. If not you'll have a great dinner anyway. In
the mood for excess? Try their lasagna Bolognese, the best I've ever had."
Noodle Pudding is located at 38 Henry Street (between Cranberry and Middagh Streets), (718) 625-3737
Grimaldi's Pizzeria
Grimaldi's Pizzeria is located at 19 Old Fulton Street (at Water Street), (718) 858-4300
- best place to suggest if you know it's a date and don't want it to be
Rice in DUMBO-"good food, bad lighting, interesting people watching, a long walk to the subway station" (I actually think that a long walk to the subway station can be what shoves an undate into the date category, especially if there are lots of doorways and a paucity of people on the street, as is the case in DUMBO.)
Rice is located at 81 Washington Street (between Front and York Streets), (718) 222-9880
McDonald's (I thought this one was funny.)
- sexiest/most aphrodisiac-ish food
Al Di La, Al Di La, Al Di La
Al Di La Trattoria is located at 248 5th Avenue (at Carroll Street), (718) 636-8888
- best place to play really naughty footsie
the back room at Sheep Station
Sheep Station is located at 149 4th Avenue (at Douglass Street), (718) 857-4337
- best place to take someone you only want one thing from
D.O.C. Wine Bar
D.O.C. Wine Bar is located at 83 North 7th Street (at Wythe Street), (718) 963-1925
- best place to go when you're pretty sure you're going to get turned down
Oasis
Oasis Fast Food Take Out is located at 161 North 7th Street (at Bedford Avenue), (718) 218-7607
- best place to go on a date when you have to stay sober
Jacques Torres Chocolate
Jacques Torres Chocolate is located at 66 Water Street (at Main Street), (718) 875-9772
In the course of collecting our information, two new categories were suggested so we're publishing these too.
- best place to plan a fantasy vacation for two in Mexico
"Maria's Mexican Bistro on Union Street serves some of the best, most
authentic Mexican food I've had outside of Mexico. Their margaritas are
intensely lime-full and powerful, and if you like molé (some don't, I know)
their sauce is spicy and chocolatey and tart. The guacamole, which they
add spice to according to your taste, is pretty sublime. I've never
left Maria's even mildly sober or grumpy."
Maria's Mexican Bistro is located at 669 Union Street (between 4th and 5th Avenues), (718) 638-2344
- best place to plot a seduction
"Alma also has great Mexican food but it is much
more of a scene than Maria's (which isn't a scene at all, actually)
with a dark, boozy bar on the first floor and a big, exciting dining
room with knock-yer-socks off views of lower Manhattan. Unlike Maria's
the centerpiece of this restaurant isn't the food, but the
food+view+scene+drinks+other people which makes for a fun, rushed,
exciting evening out. Many complain that the service isn't great at
Alma's, but I've never found that to be the case. The bar is perfect
for deep, after dinner discussions. "
Alma is located at 187 Columbia Street (at Degraw Street), (718) 643-5400
Now, after absorbing all this information, it's your job, whether you're full of love or lovelorn today, to leave lots of comments.